Childhood

On April 17th 1980 at 10:47am, my story began. I was born a healthy 9lbs 1oz to Carol Szyperski and Jeff White in Toledo, Ohio. My Mother was only 18 years old and father 23. My parents wouldn’t marry until a few years down the road, I was what you would call an accident. For the sake of the story we’ll say a happy accident just to brighten it up a bit, its not all doom and gloom!

In August of 1981 my Grandfather (my Mothers Father whom I was named after) passed away at the age of 51 from brain cancer. This would be something my Mom would not be able to get over for the rest of her life. It crushed her, he was everything to her and all I would know of him was her stories.

Between being born and becoming 3 years old, I had a couple minor illnesses. Croup a couple times, walking pneumonia and then in ’82 I gave my Mom quite the scare! I was hospitalized for eating an entire bottle of 24 children’s chewable Tylenol. What can I say I liked to party at a young age. This lead to getting my stomach pumped and an overnight stay in the luxurious ICU at Toledo Hospital. It was what you would call a rough start!

Back to me being an accident, from what I understand my parents were not in a relationship. And in 1981 my sister Gina was born ’82 Amanda and ’83 Stephanie. Okay so let me clarify, my Mom and Dad were not “together” after I was born and my Dad had my sister Gina with a different woman then my Mom.

Okay back to my parents. In 1983 my parents got married and plot twist, turns out they were not a match made in heaven. Things became, lets say very turbulent! They were like two ticking time bombs whenever they were around each other. When most kids wished their parents would get back together I was wishing they didn’t share a room.

So they separated at some point in my grade school years. My Mom eventually met up with her high school sweetheart and in 1988 my brother Zak was born. Thank god I needed some male energy in the house, living with my Mom and two Sisters. I even told my Mom over the phone while she was in the hospital, “if you don’t bring me home a brother I am out!” Thankfully she did because my plans for living down at the creek, weren’t exactly promising! At some point my parents tried to get back together, give it one more shot I guess and boom my fourth sister Jessica was born.

Before going any further I would like to make a few points. First of all I’m telling my story from my perspective at the time. Second there’s so much more to this story, this is just a very basic timeline of what happened. I’ve left out a lot of details that will stay personal. Finally I’ve have had a lot of mixed feelings toward my parents through out my life. I love them both very much and I am not trying to shit on who they were by any means. Nor am I trying to trash their name at any point in any of my blogs or podcasts. I believe we are not here to be perfect beings in any way. And I understand that they were very much products of their circumstances and environments. They also made choices and have to take ownership for their actions. At this stage in my life, I have forgiven them and that is all that matters.

So sometime before 1990 my Mom had been going to school. She was studying to be a medical assistant then graduated and started working. I was very proud of her raising all of us on her own and going to school, I know it was tough.

Then my Grandma Szyperski (my moms mother) was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was our rock, the only stable part of my life as far as I was concerned. We struggled and with my Mom graduating things were supposed to change. But on Christmas Eve 1992 tragedy strikes us again and my Grandma had passed away at 53. This was devastating to all of us! Personally it crushed me, it was like losing a parent! I couldn’t imagine life without her, she was our rock and now my Mom had lost both of her parents. My safety net was gone, the only calm in my life had been taken away and the storm wasn’t over!

Things seemed to spiral quickly, in 1993 my Godfather, my Mom’s cousin passed away unexpectedly at the age 29. In 1993 we lost our apartment and became homeless bouncing around for months. Then we got a little luck and some family helped us out by letting us move into a house that was up for sale and we could stay, pay rent until it was sold.

By this time Mom was a mess and the partying had ramped up. I had started smoking cigarettes when I was 13 and I was 14 when I started smoking weed. After my Grandmother passed I had to step up and start being a man helping my Mom out wherever I could, we all did. With all the shit that went on for those years my siblings and I became so close. We became a unit that would be unbreakable! No sense in getting into specifics, lets just say it was a fucking mess and leave it at that.

Fast forward to summer of 96 the property we lived on was sold and here we are again, panicking to find another place. Within a month of finding out, we packed up and moved to North Carolina with my Aunt and an Uncle I had never met.

It was tough going into my junior year of high school. From Junior High on I had no interest in school. Drugs, suicidal thoughts, cutting myself, constant fear and confusion had become a normalcy. All that anger, pain, fear built up in me and there was only one person I wanted to blame, my dad. I felt he wasn’t there when I needed him, I was learning how to become a man from my Mom.

Now it’s August 1996 and we are now living in Bogue N.C. right on the coast. And wouldn’t you know it we arrive during hurricane season. Hurricane Fran a class 3, with winds reaching 137 mph and 26 fatalities. It was one of the most devastating hurricanes in North Carolina history.

We lasted pretty much the Hurricane season before we were without a place. Now my mom has to do the one thing she never wanted to, give us to my Dad. Now this time period is a little foggy it was all happening so fast. But here I am now living with the one man I despised and without my mom who was my world. Writing this is so hard because because my mom had to fucking give us up! I love her so much but it was the truth! She always would say that she was so sorry for losing us and I would just tell her “its not your fault.”

In ’97, death struck again. This time my Mom’s cousin Tina, my sisters Godmother passed away at the age of 37. This was just another blow to my Mom, they were so close growing up and still were as adults!

To wrap up the first part of my story, I ended up living with my Dad for the next two years. I got in a bit of trouble, under aged drinking , assault charges, arrested and went to jail twice for violating probation and a misdemeanor drug possession charge. My Dad and I never could find away to get along. In fact it became so bad that he moved into a different trailer with my future step Mom. When I turned 18 I was told to pay rent, bills and groceries. I didn’t and ended up kicked out after a couple months.